The Nightmare Lives On
by CeilingFanCumberbatch
Summary: The sequel to A Mother's Worst Nightmare! Has Rosalie gotten over her kidnap/rape? Read to find out!  Honestly, if you havn't already, read AMWN, so you won't get lost!
1. Chapter 1

******Hello everyone! To all my readers from AMWN, hello again! To the new readers, welcome! But...before you can read this, you have to go read the first book: A Mother's Worst Nightmare. Then you won't be confused about this story. OK? Good!**

**I know I said that i wanted 10-15 reviews from AMWN, but i got sick and tired of waiting. (To the 4 reviewers who reviewed, thank you very much for reviewing and being amazing)**

**Another thing...I have decided to do the eating disorder idea that was brought up by one reviewer in AMWN. That was the reason why i wanted to do 'research'. Right now its the beginning, but later you will see more of it happening. **

**This is going to be in Rosalie's POV and remember...she is British. This also takes place during season 13 and the month is July. (I forgot to mention in AMWN that it takes place in the month of June)**

**Ok, so i hope you enjoy this and review! **

**Love ya**

**Jessie**

**Ps: sorry for being short. Chapter 2 will be longer**

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><p>Chapter 1:<p>

It has been a month. A long terrible month. My whole life has been shattered. Not like when somebody drops a glass item. Like someone hit it with a strong hammer, and left me to pick up the sharp jagged pieces. The pieces that cut me and make me bleed when I try to fix it. That's how it feels.

I can't sleep anymore. Everytime I close my eyes, I see...Him. His dark evil eyes goring into my soul, his low deep voice hurting my ears. It hurts just thinking about it. I try to forget about the whole thing, but it never leaves. Mom tries to talk to me about it, but I can't bring myself to talk. I used to tell Mom everything. There were no secrets to hide...but now I can barely utter a word. She worries about me. She does everything in her power to make me happy. When I lost my childhood...I went with it. I have lost myself.

I feel ugly. Disgusting actually. I can't bear to look at the mirror without cringing. I look at Mom...and see true beauty. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect everything. She has everything I want, but I don't have. I am this pudgy nobody who is the complete opposite of my mom. I pinch my back and thighs. Fat. Fat everywhere. Disgusting gross fat covering my body. I need to get rid of it. School is starting in September. If I start losing weight now, then I'll look good. I'll be popular! I'll join the cheerleading team and boys will come swarming in like cattle.

The best thing though...Mom will be proud of me. She'll have the perfect daughter she always wanted. Not this dumpy loser who embarrases her every moment of the day.

For the first time since that party which started it all...I feel happy. Proud. Like I'm going to accomplish something in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

******Hello everyone! I bet you are saying, "She decides to update at last!". Anyways, school has got me busy and I got into my first show! I'm in "A Christmas Carol" playing Fan (Scrooge's sister) and Gillian (one of the Crachit kids). Rehearsals are non-stop, so if i don't update as much, you now know why. :)**

**This is in Rosalie's POV and remember...she is British. This also takes place during season 13 and the month is July.**

**One more thing: can you help me out with the eating disorder stuff? if you have any ideas or such, let me know in your reviews. Gracias! (thank you)**

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><p>Chapter 2:<p>

A week has passed. I never knew that dieting was so hard. Exercising too. If I want to be a cheerleader though, you have to make drastic changes. It took a while to get used to it, but now I feel as if I have done it for a while. Mom is against my idea of dieting, but she doesn't seem to understand. She doesn't understand me at all. I wish that she can see what I'm going through. Wish that I can talk to her without that terrible feeling in my stomach.

When I got up on the scale in the bathroom, I was hoping for the numbers to be smaller than last week.

125 pounds.

I gained two pounds! I did everything! I ran three miles everyday and ate less than I usually did. What went wrong! I feel terrible. I feel like a failure...but I wasn't giving up! Tomorrow, I'll run four miles instead of three and I'll skip breakfast. People say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well screw that! I'll cut out any snack and cut dessert too. They'll just make me fatter.

_"Olivia had a better ass," _

_"And was much skinnier. Pudgy little thing this is," _

Harris and White's words swirl in my mind. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut. I slide down to the ground and begin crying. Why me? Why did they hurt me? When I calm down again, I hear crying. Different crying. Mom's crying. I jump up and run out of the bathroom. The crying is coming from the living room. When I get there, I find Mom. She is on the couch, hugging a pillow to her chest. She looks terrible.

"Mom?" I call out.

She looks at me. She throws the pillow aside, and I walk over to her. She pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. I have never seen Mom this upset. I mean she cried a lot when I was kidnapped, but not like this.

"Bad case?" I ask, pulling away to look at her.

She shakes her head, and for a moment there is silence.

"Elliot's gone," she then squeaks out. "He quit SVU. I...didn't even get to say goodbye,"

She then pulls me back in her hug and sobs hard. I tell her that everything will be alright. It is all I can do right now.

Why did Elliot leave though? He and Mom were perfect for each other. I know that Elliot is married to this wierdo named Kathy, but i hoped that one day, he would come to his scences and divorce that bitch. Then he would marry my Mom and life would be bliss for her. I want Mom to be happy, but now what is going to happen?

**A/N: I just found out that my own mother is a K/E shipper! SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER, SHUNNNN! SHUNNNN!**


	3. Chapter 3

******Hello everyone! I am soooooo sorry for not posting for such a long time! My teachers pile on wayy too much homework and I'm failing science, so i want to bring my grade up. So anyways, to make it up to you, i am posting TWO chapters today! (I have nothing better to do anyway, since my best friend made me sick. Wash your hands everyone!)**

**This is in Rosalie's POV and remember...she is British. This also takes place during season 13 and the month is July.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

**Ps: I forgot about your shout outs! Here they all are! (i am mixing the chapter 1 and 2 reviews together)**

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><p><strong>liviscool: yes i will!<strong>

**addicted2svu2010: aww thanks! and glad you are liking it!**

**hmtkitty16 and Lolah 3: This story is going to be good! Just you wait and see!**

**YardApe: thank you! and liv is not leaving the show. It is just elliot. (Season 13 is amazing! Since elliot has left, i think the show got 10 times better!)**

**ladybugsmomma: Maybe...;)**

**iKilledOphelia: Thanks for your ideas! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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><p>Chapter 3:<p>

The next morning, I wake up and see that Mom is gone. That's always usual. A bad night, and even though she is offered to take a day off, she goes back to work. I get ready for my run. Remember Rosalie, _four_ miles today, not three. I wasn't giving up. I was going to lose weight, whether I liked it or not. When I leave the apartment, I start running. Running nowhere. Just anywhere my feet would take me. As I ran, I thought about myself as a cheerleader. Wearing the uniform, preforming flips and tricks, jocks coming over; fighting over me. My adrenaline had kicked in and I never wanted to stop. I was usually tired, but having this feeling that made me never want to stop running felt amazing. When I did stop running, I was right in front of a pastry shop. I looked at all the cakes and cookies lined up in the window, my stomach growling...but I pull myself away from that window. I wasn't giving up that easily. I vowed to myself that I won't eat that shit ever again. It will just pile on the pounds and ruin my chances of cheerleading.

***S*V*U***

When I get home, I feel lightheaded. Aloof, like I'm flying. Now I _know_ that I should lose some weight now. My stomach is really growling now. I mentally tell it to shut up and walk towards the bathroom, to take a shower. As I was walking towards it, Mom suddenly walks out of her room.

"Mom? I thought you were at work?" I ask, surprised.

"Cragen _insisted_ I take the day off, so I finally gave in and said yes," she answers. "Anyways, how was your run? You were gone for awhile,"

"Fine actually," I say quickly.

"You must be hungry after running so much. Want me to make you something?"

"Oh Mom, you don't have to do that. Besides I'm stinky and need a shower," I respond with a cheerful attitute, trying to walk past her.

"How about after the shower?"

God she is so presistant!

"Thanks Mom, but no thanks. I'll be alright," I say, gritting my teeth a little, as I begin to walk past her.

"Rosalie, if this is about your diet..." Mom starts, but I cut her off. I know where this is going.

"What if this is not about my diet? I'm not hungry!" I snap, getting angry.

"Rosalie, you don't need to lose weight. You are at the prefect weight right now..."

"Will you bloody stop being so uptight! Bugger off!" I yell, storming towards the bathroom door.

"Rosalie, you've changed. You have become so distant and different. I miss the old you. I want the old you back. What happened to my sweet, happy Rosalie?" Mom cries.

"She's dead Mother! She died when her virginity was taken from her! Her happiness and everything about her went down the bloody toilet, and it's all your fault! If you weren't a goddamn detective, those two men wouldn't have kidnapped and raped me. If it wasn't for you, I'd be the happy daughter you know! You're ruining my life Mother, and I am bloody sick of it! I want to be myself again, but I just CAN'T!" I scream. Mom looks terrified, shocked, and sad at the same time. I take a breath and add calmly, "Look Mother, you may not like it, but you are meeting a new Rosalie. She may not be the one you remember so well, but you'll just have to get used to it,"

I then run into the bathroom and slam the door. I strip out of my sweaty clothes and turn the shower water on to frigid. I shouldn't have yelled at her. She didn't do anything to deserve that. I feel guilty now. I'll apologize to her later.

I look at myself. My thighs, huge. My breasts, huge. Fat everywhere. Hot tears form in my eyes, but I brush them away. There is no need for crying. All I have to do is skip lunch as well as breakfast. No one will care. The pounds will diminish faster. I will get skinny. I will be perfect. Mom's perfect daughter. The school's perfect student. The most perfect person in the world!

***S*V*U***

It is much later. I have skipped breakfast and lunch. My stomach is killing me. It wants food, but I won't give in to it. I try to do something to take my mind off of it, but nothing works. Soon, my bedroom fills with the most delicious smell. God! Mom's making dinner...wait a second...is she making...Shepard's Pie? That is my all-time favorite food and she never makes it! I want some so badly, but voices in my head keep saying,

_"No Rosalie, it will make you fat,"_

_"That has thousands of calories, do you want those calories to make you even fatter?"_

_"Calories are your enemy. You can't give up to them!" _

I'll only eat a little. That's what I'll do! Eat some, but not all. It won't make me fat...would it? Before I could think about that, my bedroom door opens a crack, and Mom's head pokes in.

"Hey. I made dinner. You hungry?" she asks.

I hesitate for a moment, before nodding my head yes. Mom's smiles a small smile and opens the door wider. In her hands was a plate of that delicious Shepard's Pie.

"I'm sorry for being a nag earlier. I'm hoping this can make it up to you," she says, handing me the plate.

"I'm sorry for yelling earlier. Thank you Mom,"

Mom leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"I love you baby," she whispers.

"Love you too," I whisper back. Mom then leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. I look down at my plate of food. God, it looks so good. I dip my finger into the mashed potatoes and stick it in my mouth. It tastes sour.

_"That's calories going into your body Rosalie. Do you WANT to be fat?" _

Screw this. I can't eat it. It will kill me just to look at it! I take the plate and walk over to the doorway. I open it and peek out. Close is clear. I run out and carry the plate to the trash can. I shove the plate inside and run back to my room. Good. Got rid of it. Now I don't need to fill my body will disgusting calories.

***S*V*U***

It is after one in the morning_. _I am so hungry. Exhausted too, but I couldn't shut my mind off to fall asleep. My thoughts kept going to my empty stomach and the fact that there was food in the kitchen. I rolled onto my left side and clutched at my abdomen. I just want the empty, hollow feeling to go away, but if I ate, I would get fat. Maybe I'll eat something small in the morning...but I need to eat something now!

"You'll be alright Rosalie. Just go to sleep and everything will be alright," I said to myself.

I shut my eyes and tried to think about something other than food. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I can feel stomach churning in pain. I want it to stop. I let my tears fall. I feel weak. Terrible. I don't realize that I am crying until Mom comes into my room and is by my side.

"Baby, what's wrong?" she asks, hugging and stroking my hair.

What do I say? I can't say, "I didn't eat all day and I'm starving!" What to do? What to do?

"He's in my dreams. Hurting me all over again! It's painful, and nobody is saving me. He won't go away! Make him go away Mommy!" I sob, burying my face into her chest.

"Oh baby! Oh Rosie, it's alright. I'm right here, I'm right here. He won't hurt you ever again, he's dead," Mom says, holding me tighter. Her voice sounds like she is going to cry too. I didn't want to make her cry. Soon I felt sleepy. Good. Maybe now I can sleep and forget the pain in my stomach. Finally I drift off.


	4. Chapter 4

******Hello everyone! I am soooooo sorry for not posting for such a long time! My teachers pile on wayy too much homework and I'm failing science, so i want to bring my grade up. So anyways, to make it up to you, i am posting TWO chapters today! (I have nothing better to do anyway, since my best friend made me sick. Wash your hands everyone!)**

**This is in Rosalie's POV and remember...she is British. This also takes place during season 13 and the month is July.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

_WARNING: there is a bulimia scene which can be triggering. If you get squimish by scenes like this, do not read._

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><p><strong>your reviews are in chapter 3!<strong>

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><p>Chapter 4:<p>

My alarm blares on the night stand beside my bed. I quickly pressed the Snooze button. I look over and Mom is next to me sleeping. I sigh and make sure the alarm is fully turned off. I need to get up to go on my run, but my energy was lacking. I sat up and my head felt light. Also, my stomach felt unsettled. I shoved the bed covers off and stood up. They feel unsteady. I nearly fall, but was able to catch myself. I have to be quiet. I don't want to wake Mom up. I swallowed hard, my head feeling even lighter. My hands and feet felt cold and numb, but I ignored that as I quickly got out of my pajamas and pulled on a tank top and athletic sweats. I trudged out of my bedroom and towards the kitchen. I began to see spots in my eyes. I better eat something. This doesn't feel good. I go to the refrigerator and open the door. I look around.

Macaroni and Cheese: 493 calories.

Chocolate Cake: 367 calories.

Everything over 100 calories!

Except...a red apple. Only 53 calories. I deal with it and grab the apple with a shaky hand. My vision gets splotchy with black. I take a bite of the fruit and swallow. I keep chewing on it, gaining some of my sense back. Wow...I could have passed out. At least I ate something.

"What are you doing to yourself, Rosalie?" I thought, before whispering, "I don't know,"

I shake myself out my thought and throw the half-eaten apple away. I pull on my running shoes, grab a water bottle and quietly left the apartment.

***S*V*U***

I had lost control. As I stood in the kitchen, my stomach too full and empty food containers lying about, I couldn't figure out how I let myself lose control. Tears streamed down my face as I realized what I had done.

I had to get rid of it! I couldn't let myself gain weight! I was doing so well! Why? Why? I ran into the bathroom, and lifted the lid to the toilet. I knelt down in front of it and tried to get myself to throw up. Nothing worked. Ugh, looks like I'll have to force it up. I took two fingers and put them to the back of my mouth. I pressed down on her tongue, and began gagging. Nothing came up though. I have to try again. I can't let these horrible calories stay in my stomach. I have to go further. I jammed my fingers toward the back of my mouth again. My stomach lurched and I pulled my fingers out of my mouth as I began to throw up. The bile burned the back of my throat. I felt terrible. There was still more though. I had to get rid of it. I repeated the same action and got rid of all of the food.

I flushed the toilet with my clean hand. I forced herself to stand, my head throbbing. I looked in the mirror as I washed my hands. My face was red and my eyes were bloodshot. I left the bathroom when I was done, my head throbbing and my body exhausted. My throat was raw and burning, but my stomach felt emptier, better, and that was all that seemed to matter. I smiled. I can get used to this.


	5. Chapter 5

******Hello everyone! Tis the season to get sick. Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaa! :( Because i was at home doing nothing all day, i am going to post chapter 5! Wash your hands everyone!**

**This is now in Olivia's POV and the month is now August. **

**Remember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

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><p><strong>ladybugsmomma: what a coincidence! That is exactly what is going to happen in this chapter! :D Thank you!<strong>

**addicted2svu2010: thanks! :D**

**LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE U FROM LOLAH: Yay! and text or email me those ideas!**

**BeautifulBroken: Cool and** **no prob!**

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><p>Chapter 5: Olivia's POV<p>

It has been another month. It has been scary though. Rosalie has been getting too skinny. When she first told me that she was going on a diet, I was totally against it, but I allowed it because I wanted her to be happy. Now? She looks so sickly! I knew that I should have kept saying no to the 'diet', but I didn't.

She doesn't eat. She exercises constantly. I think this is turning into an eating disorder. No, not think. Know that this is turning into an eating disorder.

I try talking to her. Try to get her to tell me what's going on and what's on her mind. She is shutting me out, and it hurts because we used to be so close. Ever since that night where she told me that Harris was hurting her in her dreams, that was the only time she told me about what happened in the basement sort of. Now she screams at me to leave her alone each time I try to talk to her about it. It is like my daughter has been taken away from me again and replaced with some new Rosalie that is not the same girl. I want my baby back. The old and normal Rosalie.

I knew something was wrong when she would be gone early in the morning for her run and when she wouldn't eat anything for a whole day, maybe a fruit or vegetable, but that's it. Today though, was when I knew that something was really wrong. I had just gotten home from work and was heading toward my bedroom when I saw the bathroom door open and light on. I peeked in, to find Rosalie standing on the scale, wearing shorts and a tank top. The sight I saw was heart-wrenching and tear-jerking.

Rosalie's bones are starting to protrude from her skin. Her ribs, her cheek bones. Her breasts has shrunk. Everything had changed. If she lost anymore weight she would...I can't think about it.

Suddenly she turns and sees me. She yelps and grabs a towel to cover herself with.

"MOM? WHAT THE HELL?" she yells, surprised and annoyed.

I can't answer. I am still in shock for what I just saw.

"I need to lose more weight," she mumbles, as she tries to walk out the door. I stop her and finally find my voice.

"No you are not! Rosalie...what happened to you?" I say, my voice quivering.

"I need to lose more weight, that's what! I'm still fat, that's what!" she snaps as she tries to get by me again, but I hold her back.

"Rosalie...you have gotten too skinny. How can you call yourself fat when you are near to being a skeleton?" I cry.

"Mom, you don't understand! You'll never understand! Now let me go!"

"NO! Rosalie...what I just saw...you need to stop this 'diet' now! Heck, why am I calling it a diet? It's an eating disorder. I know it and you know it!"

"Stop it! Leave me alone!" Rosalie cries, close to yelling. She tries to squeeze by me, but I pull her into a hug. She squirms, trying to break free, but I have her tight.

"I love you more than anything in the world. I would die for you, but I won't leave you alone right now," I tell her, hoping she would calm down, but it is also true what I said.

"No you don't! You don't love me, you don't!" Rosalie sobs, finally going limp in my arms. I half carried, half walked her to her room and we sat on her bed. She curled into my lap like she was a little girl again and just sobbed her heart out. I had tears in my eyes, but I wasn't crying.

"I can't see you suffer anymore my Rosie," I whisper. "You have to stop, you have to stop...or you'll die...you can't do that to me,"

"Mommy...I can't stop. I don't know how. It hurts Mommy, but I can't make it stop," she squeaks out. That drove me over the edge. Hearing her say that, broke my heart. I can't believe that I sat there and watched my daughter deteriorate in front of my eyes. I feel as if I failed in being a mother. I failed in keeping my baby safe.

"I-I'm cold," she squeaks again. She was shivering, her skin pale and turning blue. I grab the blankets that are on her bed, and wrap her with them. She is finally quiet. She fell asleep. I am not sleeping tonight. I can't sleep, knowing that at some point in the middle of the night, she could quit breathing...and die.

"I'm going to get you help darling. I will do anything in my power to get the help you need," I lean down and whisper in her ear. I will get her help. She can't live like this anymore. I won't have it. I will find the help she needs whether she likes it or not.

***S*V*U***

"NO! Absolutely not!" Rosalie screams. It is the next morning. I have kept her from going on her morning run and I have been searching for the best treatment center in the United States. I have found one in New Jersey which would be an in-patient clinic. When I told her about it, she flipped out.

"Rosalie, this is a nice place, and it can give you help," I try to explain to her, but she won't have it.

"I don't want to leave New York! Can't Dr. Huang or whoever help me? You know, out-patient treatment!"

"Dr. Huang would consider an in-patient clinic for you," I answer.

"NO! What about school? I have a life you know!" she cries, pacing around the kitchen.

"Rosalie, I am trying to help you,"

"Well you are not! You are just making the matter worse! Mom, can't I get help, but not leave the state or have to live a looney bin for weeks?"

I bit my lip. There was, but I'd rather have her somewhere where I would know if she was getting better...but I also want her to be happy. Her health means more than happiness though.

"I want what's best for you Rosalie," I simply say.

"The school will know! Everyone will know!" she cries, still upset. I suck in my breath. I know that this is going to be the biggest mistake of my life, I just know it.

"Alright, we'll do counseling...BUT! If I catch you losing anymore weight, you are going to a clinic, end of story!" I tell her, wincing inside.

"Thank you! Now can I please go for my run?" she asks. Jesus Christ!

"No Rosalie. No more of those runs," I answer.

"Mom!" she cries.

"No!" I answer before she could say anything else.

"Ugh! Can't you go to work right now or something!" she snaps at me, pacing all over again.

"I asked Cragen for a leave of absence until you are better,"

"Great! Put me on a guilt trip why don't you!" she grumbles.

"What guilt trip?" I ask, surprised.

"Never mind," she snaps, before storming into her room and slamming the door. I rub my temples. This is going to stressful for a while, but this is my daughter. I won't let her hurt herself.

***S*V*U***

Rosalie's POV:

I stayed in my room for the entire afternoon. Of course Mom forced me to eat something. All high in calories. She has an eagle eye on me. I can't go into the bathroom privatly without her ear pressed against the door, to hear if I am throwing up. I feel bloated, disgusting. I want to die, but I have to deal with it for now. Tonight I'll get rid of the calorie-infested food swimming in my stomach. When Mom is asleep...if she even sleeps at all!

Suddenly, someone knocks on my bedroom door. I gasp and leap from my bed.  
>"It's me honey," Mom's voice comes from outside.<p>

"Come in," I grumble, sitting back down on my bed again. Mom opens the door. She has a shopping bag in her hand.

"Hey. I just came back from the store downtown. I got low-calorie meals for us," she says. I roll my eyes.

"Fine," I answer simply.

"Also...I got you this," she adds. She pulls out a notebook. A diary. It has a jem-encrusted cover that's shaped into a peace sign. It's kind of cute...

"I heard they really help with stress and writing down your feelings,"

I take the notebook and flip through it.

"Thanks," I tell her. Mom smiles a little. She then leans down and kisses my cheek.

"I love you baby,"

I roll my eyes again.

"Yeah,"

Once Mom is gone, I grab my favorite purple pen and open to the first page of the diary. I start doodling. I'm not a good drawer, but it doesn't matter to me. I draw myself wearing the cheerleading uniform. Skinny, not an ounce of fat on my body. As I keep drawing, I feel tears well up in my eyes. Soon I am drawing myself again. Only I am fat. Disgusting. Horrible. Everyone laughing at me, pointing and imitating me. I stop drawing and turn to the next page of the diary. I begin to write.


	6. Chapter 6

******Hello everyone! Tis the season to get sick. Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaa! :( Still sick. Bored out of my skull. So here is chapter 6! Wash your hands everyone!**

**This is back to Rosalie's POV, the month is now August, and r****emember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

(I don't own SVU by the way. (Even though i will get my writing involved with the show and then the show will be mine! well...not really, but who cares! If i get on SVU as a writer, you will see a certain detective return, divorced and his eyes set on our favorite detective! Season 14! Get prepared!)

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><p><strong>ladybugsmomma: Thanks! Glad that you like this story!<strong>

**Michael2: thanks! Your stories are great too!**

**addicted2svu2010: well here it is! (the chapter)**

**Lolah 3: i have no school on thursday and friday even though i am sick and at home for the days that school is open. You didn't get me sick and will add more!**

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><p>Chapter 6:<p>

I can't believe I have to go to a psychologist today, but it was either going to her or going to a clinic for weeks. What am I going to tell this doctor? What is she going to say? I wish I was talking to George. I'm used to talking to him. He is like a friend to me, but instead I have to go this other doctor. Janet Ragner. Mom told me that she knows her and that she is nice. Yeah right! She'll probably strap me down and torture me with high calorie food. Ugh! Bad image in my head!

Mom and I are in the doctor's office right now. I don't feel like reading any magazines or doing anything. I focus on the clock on the wall. 12:00:00, 12:00:01, 12:00:02, 03, 04, 05.

"Rosalie?"

06, 07, 08, 09...

"Rosalie?"

10, 11, 12, 13, 14...

Suddenly I felt a small shake, I let out a squeak and look over at Mom.

"WHAT?" I cry, annoyed.

"I'm sorry...but I just wanted to say that I'll be with you every step of the way,"

I roll my eyes.

"Yeah whatever,"

"I'm serious! Baby, I want you to get better. I don't want to see you struggle,"

"What if I am NOT struggling? What if I'm perfectly fine and you are being a butt-in to my life?" I snap at her.

"Rosalie Benson?" a nurse calls out.

"That's us," Mom says, trying to put on a brief smile. She stood up, but I stayed seated. I did not want to move. Mom grabbed my hand and nearly pulled me with her. When we got to the therapist's room, I noticed the therapist's degrees hang on the wall, but the room felt empty. The therapist herself is tall, with blondish hair and green eyes.

"Olivia, great to see you!" she says as she shakes Mom's hand, "And you must be Rosalie," she adds, turning to me. "I'm Janet Ragner,"

"Nice to meet you," I mumble back.

"Have a seat wherever you like," She says, indicating two chairs and a sofa. Mom sits on the sofa, but I sit on one of the chairs. I didn't feel like sitting with her.

"So Rosalie, your Mom told me that you havn't been eating?" Janet asks me.

"I guess," I shrug.

"Well what do you think?"

"She thinks I'm too skinny," I answer.

"What do you think?"

I am silent. I feel Mom staring at me. Waiting for my answer.

"I could stand to lose more weight,"

"And how much do you weigh?"

"I don't know," I lie. I know my weight, but I don't want them to know.

"Don't you weight yourself constantly?"

"I guess," I whisper.

"Rosalie?"

I shudder and answer her.

"100.5"

It's silent. You could hear a pin drop, it was that quiet.

"Olivia...if you want to leave the room, you may,"

I turn around to see Mom, fighting back tears as she shakes her head no.

"Now Rosalie, you know that's too low, right?"

"I want to lose more. I have to lose more," I say to myself.

"Ok, tell you what… I want you to keep track of what you eat this week, and next week we'll look at it, ok? In the mean time, I want you to try to eat at least three meals a day,"

NO! Three meals? I'll be fat again! I'll never get on the cheerleading team!

"Rosie?" Mom says behind me. I didn't realize that she got up and is standing next to me.

"Fine," I grumble.

"Is that a yes?" Janet asks.

"Yes, happy?" I say louder.

"We'll have to see about that. Time's up. See you next week,"

"Bye," I mutter as I quickly exit. I ran to the waiting room and out the front door. I go to the car and wait. Mom had locked the doors.

***S*V*U***

Olivia's POV:

When Rosalie ran out of the room, I sighed and turned to Janet.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's alright Olivia. She just doesn't want to admit that she has a problem. She knows it deep down, but she won't say it,"

"We used to be close, but now she won't talk to me,"

"Give her some time. Try to be there and spend time with her. Have you tried the notebook?"

"Yes, I bought her one yesterday,"

"That's good! That'll help a lot too,"

We said our goodbyes, and I left the office. I found Rosalie standing by the car. We are silent as I unlock the car doors and we get inside. Rosalie sits in the back and stares out the window.

"Rosalie? You probably hate me right now, right?" I ask.

Rosalie looks at me, but then looks away and says,

"Can we just go home?"

So I begin to drive, the two of us silent the entire ride home.


	7. Chapter 7

******Hello everyone! Getting better. Still sick though. Wash your hands everyone! Here is chapter 7!**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is August, and r****emember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

**PS: i have a four-day weekend from school! YAYYY! So i will be writing, writing, writing! Tomorrow, i will not post because i want to write more chapters to the story so i can keep posting every day. So anyways, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>LOLAH: spillz! So wanna hear that!<strong>

**ladybugsmomma: yay! That makes my day!**

**addicted2svu2010: glad that you're loving it!**

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><p>Chapter 7:<p>

When we get home, I run straight to my room and grab my diary. I like writing in it. At first I thought it was lame, but now I think its great. When I finish writing, I think about what Janet said. Three meals? I can't eat that much! I'll get fat again. All the dieting I did, everything I gave up. To gain the weight back. No...just no. I'll eat, so Mom can 'rest easy', but I'll purge it up. I have to lose weight, I need to keep going. I feel hidious. Disgusting. I strip off my clothes and look into my mirror.

_"Shit, look at all this. This is disgusting. I need to work on my arms as soon as possible, and my stomach. Dear God, my thighs are massive. I can't believe this!"_

I can't bear to look at myself anymore. I put my clothes back on and grab my diary again.

***S*V*U***

Lunch. Ugh, just kill me now. Well...it's a salad...but I don't know if it has any calories and fat in it! Mom sits next to me, eating her own salad. She probably doesn't know...or doesn't care about the fat going into her body. I chew on some lettuce, but each time I swallow, my mind keeps telling me: _Rosalie that is making you fat. Do you want to be fat again?_

"Rosie, Dr. Ragner said you needed to eat at least two meals," Mom says. I peer over to see Mom's salad gone, and mine barely touched.

"Rosalie I'm getting tired of this. I made this specially, now eat,"

"No," I answer firmly, getting up and heading towards my room.

"Sit. Now," Mom demands, following me.

"Leave me alone!" I yell, slamming the bedroom door behind me. I slide down to ground, leaning against the door. Suddenly, I hear muffled crying. Mom's crying. I feel guilty. I didn't want to make Mom cry. Deep down, I hear myself say,

_"Rosalie, you should stop,"_

I actually want to stop. I don't want to starve myself anymore. I don't want to make myself throw-up. I don't want to live in this nightmare...but in my mind, it keeps telling me to keep going. It keeps telling me that I need to lose weight. I begin telling myself to stop this, but the voices in my head won't have it.

_"Rosalie you'll get fat, you'll get fat!"_

It gets louder and louder. I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my ears. Hoping it would all go away. Tears stream down my face in anguish. At this moment, I would run over to Mom and have her hold me and tell me loving words, but I don't even know if she gave up on me for being this way. If she doesn't love me anymore.

***S*V*U***

Olivia's POV:

All I can do is cry. Not to get Rosalie to come out, but because I feel like I am the worst mother to roam the planet. Why did I let this happen? I am a goddamn detective! I have dealt with cases of women who developed eating disorders due to rape or abuse. I have seen the signs...but why didn't I even notice this happening to Rosalie? I am a monster. A terrible monster.

Suddenly, Rosalie's bedroom door opens. She comes out and looks at me. She has tear streaks on her cheeks. She opens her mouth, about to say something...but instead she bursts into tears. I go over to her and pull her into a hug. I hold her tightly, crying a little myself.

"Mommy, I'm sorry," she says, between sobs.

"I know, sweetie. I know," I answer. "Shussh, I know it's hard, baby, but you just got to try,"

"It's just so hard!" she wails.

I can feel her pain. My heart being twisted into knots, climing up my throat. My little girl, my pride and joy. My everything. Suffering. It not only hurts her, but its hurting me too. While she is killing herself, I am in the background, watching this happen. Tied up, so I couldn't move. I could only watch.

"Mom...I don't want to do this anymore. Starve myself," Rosalie whispers, her crying turning into hiccups. "I'll go to Dr. Ragner, I'll eat again, I won't throw up, I won't do this anymore...if you promise me one thing,"

I pull away and rub her cheek with my finger.

"What's that?" I ask.

"That you'll love me again,"

I gasp. I am silent and shocked. When I finally regain my voice;

"Rosalie, what do you mean 'you'll love me again'? I have always loved you from the moment you were born! Why would you ever think that?"

"Because..."

"Because why?" I push, wanting to know her answer.

"Because I'm not the daughter you want! I'm not the perfect happy daughter you aimed for. I am this horrible mistake from a one-night-stand which made Dad leave you. I'm not what you wanted! I have this horrible accent, while you have the normal American accent. You are athletic, smart, beautiful...and me? I am the total opposite. I am dumb, ugly, a mistake! I want to be the perfect daughter that is just like you and IS you...so you can love me and not be embarrased anymore,"

I realize now why Rosalie wanted to do this. To be a mini-me. I almost start crying again, but I didn't want to. Not at this moment.

"You are NOT a mistake! NEVER a mistake. I wanted you baby. Right from the beginning. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was the happiest woman in the world! I actually thank myself for meeting your father, because if I didn't, I would never have had you. My beautiful Rosalie. Right from the moment you were born, from the moment I first held you, I loved you more than anything in the world. More than my job, more than Elliot! So you have some differences that I don't have. So you have a british accent and I don't. I don't care! You are perfect to me baby. I wouldn't want anything to change. I will always love you until the stars stop shining,"

Rosalie is quiet. I hug her again.

"You will always be my baby Rosalie. Always,"


	8. Chapter 8

******Hello everyone! Guess who is sick all over again? Yep, me. The theatre where i am doing A Christmas Carol is a germpool. Everyone is sick. It all started with our Scrooge getting larengytis and even though he is better, now half the cast has it including me. Wash your hands everyone! **

**So anyways here is chapter 8!**

**Ps: Because my best friend wants the characters we created together in this story, you will meet Lolah and Jenna. For info on Jenna, just check my profile. For info on Lolah, message my friend hmtkitty16 or read her story SVU: The Case of Mr. M.**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is now September, and r****emember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

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><p><strong>ladybugsmomma: the last line is what my mom says to me all the time as well! That's why i added it in! <strong>

**Michael2: thanks! I love writing mother/daughter stories cuz they are the best to write! (in my opinion)**

**LOLAH: saw the psa! I now have an idea for this story! (I'll text it to you)**

**addicted2svu2010: Yay! Glad that you are liking this so much!**

**BeautifulBroken: i sure will!**

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><p>Chapter 8:<p>

This has become a twisted little game. I may have told Mom that I wanted to get better and, but I can't. I am still fat! I am still ugly! She just doesn't understand. She doesn't understand me at all! I _have_ to keep losing weight, but now Mom is going to be on my case. I have to pretend that I am getting better, but in a way, lose weight as well.

I have gained five pounds. Five ugly, disgusting, gross pounds. Mom has been watching me, so I have to eat. I can't purge either. She wants me to get better, so I have to make it seem like I gaining weight. I feel horrible.

Deep down though. At the bottom of my heart, I know what I am doing is wrong. I know that this is going to kill me, but people have to make sacrifices for themselves. I will lose that weight. I will be the cheerleader at school.

*S*V*U*

First Day of School. I was excited for it...but now I am not so sure. I don't want people looking at me. Mom doesn't want me going today, and I would have gladly loved to stay home, but I think that going is the better choice. Mom hasn't been at work since August, and even though she is on paid leave, she should go back at least.

The two of us are waiting in the lobby of our apartment complex for my bus. I told Mom to get more sleep, but she 'wants to make sure I'm alright'. God! She should know that I am going into the ninth grade now. I don't need 'moral support' or a babysitter.

"You have your books?"

"Check,"

"Lunch money?"

"Check,"

"Are you sure that you want to go today? You can always start tomorrow," Mom asks for the millionth time. I roll my eyes and respond,

"I'll be fine!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

Mom sighs, but she gives me a hug and whispers,

"Stay strong,"

"Hey Mom? The cheerleading tryouts are today so I am coming home late today," I tell her. Mom's breath hitches as she pulls away from the hug.

"Oh no! No, no, absolutely not!" Mom says, shaking her head.

"Mom!" I cry.

"No, you are not trying out. You are coming straight home. I am not letting you do it,"

"I have been waiting all summer to tryout for this! You can't say no!" I whine.

"Yes I can young lady, I am your mother,"

I huff and turn away from her.

"Why don't you join the school newspaper? Or the detective club? My school did that," Mom suggests. I begin to laugh.

"A detective club! Hell to the NO!"

"I am just suggesting other clubs that you can go out for,"

"Well I want to be a cheerleader, end of story!" I say sincerely. Suddenly the bus appears and I begin to head towards the doors when Mom says,

"I just don't think you should be doing cheerleading when you have your condition,"

It is so silent, you can hear a pin drop. The bus horn beeped and she says,

"Go. You don't want to be late,"

I go outside and the bus doors open. I get on. Great. I'm the first stop of the day. I grab a seat in the back. We drive along picking up more kids. Finally we stop at the 'Ms. Hannabel's Orphanage for Misfortunate Children'. I shudder. When I was younger, if Mom and I were walking past the place, she would tell me about it and I used to cry in sympathy for the children living there. I think about Mom. My sweet loving Mom. If I were ever to lose her...God, my life would be over. There have been so many times where I could have lost her. Like the time when she got her throat slashed, or the time where she was held by gunpoint. The worst was when she went undercover in that terrible jail. She has never told me about it, but I know that if Fin didn't save her, I would have been put in that orphanage. I love my Mom to bits. I wish I could talk to her, tell her how I really feel. Even though she tells me that I can tell her anything...it's just so hard.

The orphanage doors open and out comes a girl my age. I know her though. Her name is Jenna and she is Lolah's best friend. Jenna is nice and a genius, but she is pretty quiet. When she gets on the bus, everyone turns silent. Jenna walks slowly towards the back and stops at me.

"Is this seat taken?" she asks, her voice barely above of a whisper.

"No," I answer, making room. Jenna sits and the bus moves again. The silence goes away and the bus becomes loud again.

"You're Rosalie right? You're Lolah's best friend,"

"Yeah,"

"You're the girl who got attacked at the Peter's Lake party,"

I go pale. Jenna wasn't at the party, how did she know?

"Lolah told me about it. She was really worried about you,"

"I haven't talked to her...it's been awhile,"

We stop talking. Jenna pulls out her Ipod and headphones, so I just stare out the window until we get to Pace University High School. Jenna puts away her Ipod and the two of us stand up when the bus stops.

"See you later?" Jenna asks.

"Yeah, sure," I answer.

The two of us get off the bus and into the school building. There are people greeting each other, joining up with their cliques. Before I can do anything I hear,

"Rose, Jenna!"

We see Lolah push past everyone and run toward us.

"Rose it's so good to see you! How was your summer?" Lolah asks happily.

Before I can answer, she says in her loud voice,

"I'm MEGA sorry for what happened at the party! I hope that you're okay!"

"Hey Ethel Merman, turn the volume down," Jenna tells Lolah.

"Sorry! I mean, sorry," Lolah responds, her voice a notch lower. "So Rose, are you trying out for the cheerleading team?"

I think about it. I don't want to disobey Mom, but I really want to be that cheerleader. You know what, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

"Yeah! Totally!"

*S*V*U*

The final bell rings. Everyone piles out of the classroom. I leave the classroom and head towards the gym. I get to the gym doors, but then I stop. I feel this pang of guilt...but I shake it off. This is so exciting! With Lolah being the team captain, I am so going to make the squad! I push open the doors of the gym and walk in where there were TONS of girls and a few guys waiting in line to try out for the squad.

"Rose!"

Lolah pushes though the crowd and over to me.

"You made it just in time! Yay! This is gonna be good! So anyways, first thing you probably need to know is that EVERYONE loves the cheerleaders. We're top of the food chain, and it's REEALLLLY hard to get on the squad. We don't have auditions, you have to be personally invited onto the squard. Our coach is kinda picky, but because Quinn, our Spotter got pregnant, we are forced to have emergancy tryouts. NATIONALS ARE COMING UP, and we've never lost a single compititon. So go borrow some sweats in the locker roon, and break a leg! Well, not really!" She says with a laugh as she runs twards a scary looking man sitting at a table on the first set of bleachers. Oh crap...that's a woman! The coach I'm guessing. She is holding a huge megaphone and is scowling. Lolah takes a seat next to the woman and holds the clip board. The other girls are standing around like idiots. All of them look at the auditioners like they have body odor. Except for Lolah and this one girl. She is looking at me. She smiles a devious smile and gives a little wave. I wonder who she is?

*S*V*U*

I never knew that SO many people care about cheerleading! It's been HOURS! Anyways, it's my turn and so far I've counted that out of all the 58 people that auditioned, 13 cried, 2 wet their pants, 8 fainted, and the rest walked off very sadly.

"NEXT!" I hear as I step up to the mats layed down on the floor.

"Hi. I'm Rosalie Benson. I'm trying out for...well you know already," I say, turning off my british accent and putting on an American accent. At school, nobody knows that I have the accent, even Lolah and Jenna. I guess my voice was too low, because next thing I know,

"Speak up! I can't hear you! You wanna be a cheerleader, THEN PROJECT!" The coach screams at me. Lolah mouths "smile" and gives a thumbs up.

"Whenever your ready," Lolah says as she starts the timer, and I freeze. Music starts playing in the backgound, and I ease up. Feeling the beat I throw out a few sommer salts, headstands, and a back hand-spring. Thank God for those gymnastics lessons Mom made me take when I was younger! The music ends, and the room is silent again.

"You're in," The couch says as she gets up from the table. "Lolah. Teach bad hair new-girl the roots. Also give her some new hair, she looks like a French Poodle, and I put my last dog to sleep for being to ugly." She says as she gives me eagle eyes and walks out. My heart stops. I made it in! I made the squad! I am now a cheerleader! I just smile because that is all I can do right now.  
>"Yay! So excited that you made the squad!" Lolah says as she runs over to me hugs me tightly. "Let me get you the uniform! Be right back!"<p>

Lolah runs out of the gym, leaving me with the rest of the squad. They were smiling before, but now they have nasty looks on their face.

"I can't believe that you made the squad!" one girl says.

"Yeah, I mean...what the hell was Lolah thinking?" another one agrees.

"You are NOT cheerleader material, I mean look at yourself! Have you ever heard of a mirror?" one more adds.

The girls laugh and I am speechless.

"I'm back!" Lolah calls out as she barges back into the gym with a bundle in her hands. The girls smile again and look so innocent, like they did nothing wrong. "Here's the uniform! Welcome to the squad!"

Everyone applauds lightly, but they give me ugly looks. Except for Lolah of course as she hands me the bundle that has my uniform in it.

"I'll text you tonight with our schedule! See you all tomorrow!" Lolah concludes as everyone starts to split up. Once Lolah is out of sight, two of the cheerleaders stayed behind. One of them was a Latina girl with a boob job and the other is Blonde girl who has a unicorn horn on her head?

"Listen honey, why don't you take your loser self and find a new club to join cuz you just don't belong here," the Latina snarled.

"Besides you aren't even a unicorn," the Blonde adds.

The girls laugh and walk away, leaving me in the empty gym. I feel lousy, but I shake that off. Fuck them all! I am a cheerleader now! I smile proudly as I walked out of the gym and towards the late bus area. As I was walking towards the main school doors, I heard someone behind me.

"Don't worry about those girls. Santana and Brittany are annoying but they don't mean any harm,"

I turn around and see the girl who waved at me earlier. She is a super skinny, blond haired, blue eyed girl wearing the cheerleading uniform.

"I'm Ana. Ana R. Xia,"

"I'm Rosalie. Rosalie Benson,"

"Welcome to the squad. As I said, once those girls know you better, they'll be much nicer,"

"Thanks,"

"We're going to be great friends," Ana says, smiling her devious smile.


	9. Chapter 9

******Hello everyone! All better now! Still have a small cough, but other than that, i am perfectly fine! ****So anyways here is chapter 9!**

** PS: also the scenes where ana is talking is from my best friend hayley's blog 'The Pretty Project' i'll post the link in the next chapter. PPS: Little PSA here. If anyone is suffering from an Eating Disorder, don't suffer through it alone. Get help, because you are beautiful the way you are. Stay Strong!**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is September, and r****emember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>MY BEST FRIEND IS THE BEST WRI: YAAY! Thank you!<strong>

**ladybugsmomma: glad you like it so far!**

**addicted2svu2010: so do i! Glee and SVU are my two addictions!**

**BeautifulBroken: Yay! well, here it is.**

**and last but not least**

**YardApe: 6 reviews in one day? That really made my day getting the emails saying i got a review! Thank you so much! In the review for chapter 4, that was the reason Mariska was leaving after 13 episodes, but before september, it was said that Mariska is staying for the entire season, and that she might leave the show if it goes on to do a season 14. (I do also agree that it is understandable) Also in the review for chapter 5, i did MUCHO research for this story. I read books (**The Best Little Girl In The World, Kim: Empty Inside**), watched movies (**For The Love Of Nancy, Sharing The Secret, The Best Little Girl In The World**), read internet articles, watched Dr. Phil specials about ED's, read true stories about people who had the disease, read my best friend's blog that had poems and stories that revovled around ED's, and more. So yeah, i worked hard. :D**

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><p>Chapter 9:<p>

When I get home from school, I was just about to walk into the apartment when I suddenly stop. What if Mom's home? If she sees me with the cheerleading outfit, she'll kill me. I slip the outfit bundle inside my jacket, and slowly slipped into the apartment.

"Mom?"

No answer. Good. I run into my room and shut the door. I pull out the bundle. I take out the outfit and put it on. It was snug and perfectly fit. I felt so amazing, beyond happy.

Suddenly someone knocks on the front door. I jump and grab my bathrobe. I wrap myself in it and quickly answered the door. It was Ana. How did she know where I lived? I just met her.

"Ana? How did you know...?"

"I just know things," she answers.

I don't believe that but I shrug my shoulders and let her in. We go to my room and she asks,

"Can I see you in the cheerleading uniform?"

I take off the bathrobe and reveal myself. She looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"I think I need to lose a little more weight. I have to look skinny to be good!" I tell her, posing in front of my mirror.

"I don't blame you. You're the fattest human being I've ever seen,"

I freeze. That hits me like a punch in the stomach. I am silent.

"I honestly don't know why you let yourself live. I mean look at you!"

I keep staring into my mirror as Ana comes up behind me and looks with me.

"I have a lot of work to do, so you'd better listen up and follow every single instruction I give you," she starts, but I cut her off.

"I don't need your help,"

"Shush and let me talk!" she snaps. I shut up.

"Food makes you fat. Calories are your natural enemy. Think you're hungry? Think again. You want to put something in that tummy of yours? Not while I'm here. Eating is for people with no self-control. You're better than that, I hope. What defines us as people? Will power. Show some. Do you really need to eat dinner? You can pass on breakfast and lunch, too. Look in the mirror. What do you see? Fat. It's everywhere, spreading over your body like a disease. Why on earth would you need food when you have so much of it under your skin? Gluttony is as much a sin as it is repulsive. Let's not embarrass ourselves. You know your friends and family? Forget about them. They will only try and stop us. They will get in our way and become the obstacles you fight to overcome, the distractions that hinder our progress,"

I don't realize that I am crying. She keeps going though.

"School and work aren't important. Sure, you can spend hours studying if it'll keep your mind off food. Are these the things that define us? No, we are defined by how thin we are. What people see when they look at us. What is the use having perfect grades and a perfect career if you don't have a perfect body to match? Start being productive. Do something with your life. Read books about me, make a scrapbook about me, listen to music about me, look at pictures of skinny girls who love me. That can be you. You can be the girl who is tiny, who is worth writing a book about, worth being in pictures,"

Suddenly, I hear the door open and close. It's Mom! She's home early! I quickly pull off the cheerleading uniform and hide it under the blankets of my bed. I pull on my the clothes I wore today and quickly busied myself by reading a random book that was laying on the floor of my room.

"Hello?"

"In here!"

Mom opens the door of my room and walks in.

"How was school?"

"Good, how was work?" I respond.

"Fine...why are you reading To Kill a Mockingbird upside down?" Mom asks, getting suspicious. Uh oh.

"Um...because I wanted to see if I like reading it upside down?"

Epic fail Rosalie.

"Yeah, okay. Really now Rosalie, what's going on?" Mom asks, now wanting a real answer.

"It's nothing okay! Bugger off, I'm busy!" I snap.

"Rosalie!"

"I said to bugger off for God's sake! LEAVE ME ALONE!" I cry, whipping the book at her. Mom dodges it and comes over to me.

"No Rosalie, you will tell me what is going on right now,"

"It is none of your buisness! Bugger off or else!" I yell.

"Don't you threaten me!" she yells back.

"Just because you are a police officer doesn't mean you have to go crazy about my life!"

"Rosalie Serena..."

"No! Just No! Will you just leave me alone, please?" I plead, calming down slightly.

Mom looks sad as she sighs and leaves the room.

Suddenly Ana peeks out from under my bed.

"I didn't know that you had a British accent," she says. "Well anyways, I better go. Remember what I said Rosalie,"

She leaves the room and I hear the doors open and close. I get up and pull back out my cheerleading uniform. I hang it up neatly in my closet, making sure that it wouldn't be seen by Mom if she peeked in there. I then go back to my mirror and look at myself again. Fat. Fat everywhere. Ana is right! I am the fattest person in the world! I am going to keep losing weight. I want to be perfect. Just like Ana.


	10. Chapter 10

******Hello everyone! Guess who got into her drama club's production? ME! I haven't been assigned a role yet, but i might be the principal! (its a school themed play) The principal was going to be a lesbian named...Olivia? And her partner is named...Alex? Hmm...i wonder how that got in there... ****So anyways here is chapter 10!**

**PS: the reason why i haven't been posting every day is because my computer got zapped during a snow storm around halloween. the power went out and my computer was on and plugged into the wall so it got fried. I lost ALL my music on Itunes (1978 songs!) Luckly all my writing was still there! (Thank GOD! i would have died if that happened!). What's worse, is that everything freezes every two minutes. The internet and OpenOffice (where my writing is). I can never go on the internet anymore, and luckly today is one of the good days. So if i don't post as regulary as usual, it means that my computer is being FuckFaceMcGee and i can't get onto fanfic. On the bright side, i am possably getting a Mac for Christmas! Yay!**

**PPS: Many of what Ana says in the chapters is from my best friend Hayley's blog 'The Pretty Project'. The blog is really good. There are stories about people's expierience of not being pretty and how they cope with it. I even have a story up there about myself. So here is the link! Hope you check it out!**

**fallowtheproject**

**.blogspot**

**.com**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is September, and remember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>BeautifulBroken: thank you!<strong>

**Lolah: i didn't STEAL your writing. I just forgot to mention the blog.**

**addicted2svu2010: Yay!**

**ladybugsmomma: glad you like it so far! Oh liv will figure it out soon enough...**

**YardApe: So do i. i wanna hug rosalie, but she is just a character i made up. On youtube, i was watching a video about an 8 year old british girl who suffered from anorexia named Dara. She reminds me of Rosalie. Look up: **Dara, The 8 Year Old Anorexic**. Super sad though. Have a box of tissues in hand!**

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><p>Chapter 10:<p>

It's the next day. I woke up today feeling absolutely terrible. Last night, Mom made me eat something. She wouldn't take 'no thank you' as an answer. So I had to eat and each morcel of food that went past my lips was absolute torture. I couldn't purge it up because Mom kept a super close eye on me, so it stayed in my stomach for the rest of the night. The voices in my head wouldn't stop yelling at me, calling me fat, ugly, and all the worst words in world.

I pull myself out of bed and to the mirror for my morning ritual of criticizing. I strip out of my pajamas until I am in my underwear.

"Pull that stomach in!" I whisper, but my tone is angry. Look at all this fat. Terrible, just terrible! Flat, but not flat enough. I raise my hands over my head and began to count the line of ribs. They stopped behind the wrinkled skin of once my breast.

"Disgusting," I hiss.

I look in the mirror and see myself, fat and gross. The original Rosalie. The Rosalie who is a failure, who is the fattest girl in the world. I wasn't going to let myself feel bad, today...I am in control! The original Rosalie begins to cry. Tears run down her fat cheeks and off her fat chin.

"Coward. You're nothing! You're nobody! You're finished, you're dead," I scowl. "Goodbye...Goodbye forever,"

I turn away from the mirror. As I get dressed, I recite a rhyme in my mind.

_Fat and Skinny had a race_

_All around the pillow case_

_Fat fell down and broke her face._

_Skinny said, "Ha-ha,_

_I won the race,"_

*S*V*U*

I skipped breakfast today. What's the point...but now I wish I grabbed an apple or something. I feel terribly dizzy. I missed the bus today, so I had to walk all the way to the high school. I didn't care though. I was wearing my cheerleading uniform! I felt absolutely proud as I walked to school. I was about to walk up the steps of the school, when suddenly,

"Look out!"

A skateboarder comes barreling towards me and we collide into each other. I feel myself get thrown onto the hard concrete with a guy on top of me.

"You! You!" I start angrily, but when I look into his eyes...my whole body melts.

"Dummy?" he answers, saying what I was going to say. God he's so dreamy! His sandy blond hair...his deep blue eyes...

"Yeah..." I whisper.

"Rose!"

I see Lolah run towards me, looking mad.

"You jerk! You crashed into my best friend!" Lolah cries, pulling McDreamy off of me.

"Sorry Lolah! Geez!" he answers, looking annoyed.

"Rose, are you okay?" Lolah then asks, turning her attention towards me.

"Yeah fine," I quickly get up and brush the dirt off me.

"Well you just met my jerk of a boyfriend, Josh. Josh this is Rosalie,"

Josh...a dreamy name to go with his dreamy self.

"Let's go! We'll be late for class," Lolah exclaims as she pulls Josh towards the school doors. He smiles at me, and then they were gone. Inside the building.

"Joshua Jones. The star football player,"

I quickly turn to find Ana behind me.

"Isn't he just dreamy?" I squeal.

"Yeah...but he only likes skinny girls. Like Lolah and me. He wouldn't dream of dating a fat girl like you! If you want him to be your boyfriend, you have to lose all those ugly love handles that you have,"

I frown. She is right. Ana and Lolah are both skinny and perfect. Me? It burns, but it just tells me that I need to lose more weight.

Suddenly the bell rings. Crap I'm late! I quickly run into the building. Real nice way to start the day!

***S*V*U***

I am so hungry. It's lunchtime and I have vowed myself to not eat anything...but everything looks good...but they are all high in calories, fat, carbs, and everything.

Pizza: 276 calories

Hamburger: 259 calories

Grilled Cheese: 312 calories

They do have a fruit area. Apples, oranges, pears. They do look good...but would they cause me to gain weight? I can't take it anymore! I buy an apple and took a bite. Much better. I eat it quickly, until I reached the core. I threw the core away and the bell rang which meant lunch was over. I leave the cafeteria and head my way to my next class when I saw Ana right blocking my way. She did not look happy.

"You ate something!" she gasps.

"No! I ate nothing!" I lie. She shakes her head.

"Wrong answer. There is an apple seed on your cheek,"

I brush my cheek and there was an apple seed on my left cheek. Oops!

"I can't believe you! After all you did, you give up for an apple?" she cries.

I don't answer her. She then grabs my arm and drags me to the nearest bathroom. She pushes me into a stall and says,

"You take that obese and bulging body of yours and stick your fat finger down your fat fucking throat! WE DON'T EAT!" she screams.

I do it. I stick my fat finger down my fat throat and threw up the apple. There wasn't much, but I did it. I flush the toilet, and come out of the stall. Ana smiles again and gives me a big hug.

"You did it! I am so proud of you! You'll be skinny and gorgeous, and you will thank me one day, when you are the skinniest girl in the world," she says, all happy and go-lucky. "See you at cheerleading practice later!"

She then leaves the bathroom, leaving me alone. I feel some-what proud of myself, but why do I feel so suckish. I feel dizzy all over again as I leave the bathroom. I feel myself stumble, but I catch myself by leaning against the lockers. Suddenly the world goes grey...and then black.


	11. Chapter 11

******Hello everyone! Guess who got into her drama club's production? ME! I have officially been cast as the principal! Only now she is not a lesbian, but a jew. Still the character is hilarious! ****So anyways here is chapter 11!**

**PS: ****Many of what Ana says in the chapters is from my best friend Hayley's blog 'The Pretty Project'. The blog is really good. There are stories about people's expierience of not being pretty and how they cope with it. I even have a story up there about myself. So here is the link! Hope you check it out!**

**fallowtheproject**

**.blogspot**

**.com**

**PPS: i saw breaking dawn part one yesterday! The movie theater was PACKED. EVERYONE was there to see the movie. All i have to say is... I LOVE EDWARD SO MUCH! I am Team Edward all the way!**

**PPPS: sorry for being short. Was busy this week.**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is September, and remember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

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><p><strong>BeautifulBroken: luckly, today is one of the computer's good days. i have had many episodes where i couldn't even open my document of the story! Ana is such a bitch. i have to agree with that.<strong>

**Lolah loves you: awww thank you! :)**

**addicted2svu2010: made my day with your review! Thanks! **

**ladybugsmomma: yay!**

**YardApe: Me too! Dana is adorable and she reminds me of Rosalie. Even though the ages are different, they both are going through the same struggle. Hope you like this chapter! Ps: did you hear that mariska adopted again? she adopted a baby boy named Andrew.**

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><p>Chapter 11:<p>

"Rosalie?"

I slowly open my eyes. I am on the ground in the middle of the hallway, with people looking down on me. The principal, Ms. Sanchez is next to me.

"Rosalie?"

I slowly sit up. I hate that everyone is staring at me.

"Are you okay?" she asks with concern.

"Yeah, fine," I quickly answer, standing up and starting to walk away.

"Wait! You should go see the nurse Rosalie," Ms. Sanchez says, grabbing my arm.

"I said that I'm fine," I say again, walking away from the scene. That was so embarrasing! I hope that doesn't happen again.

*S*V*U* 

Cheerleading practice was another embarrasment. We learned our routine for the homecoming game and of course I did the wrong step which ruined the entire routine. Everyone laughed at me. Lolah even laughed. Coach Sylvester got mad.

"THIS SUCKED! YOU ALL SUCKED! You make me sick..." she yelled, before marching out of the gymnasium.

"Thanks a lot fattie," Santana snapped.

"If you were a unicorn maybe Coach wouldn't be mad at us," Brittany says as she and Santana leave the gymnasium. When all the others cheerleaders are gone, Lolah comes over to me and says,

"Don't worry Rose, you'll get better with the routine,"

She then leaves with all the rest. I am left alone. So I thought...

"You really stank today,"

I flipped around to find Ana behind me.

"Santana was correct. You are a fattie,"

"Do you have to always put me down?" I snap at her, beginning to walk towards the gym doors, but suddenly Ana is in front of me.

"I am only being truthful,"

"Well you're truthfulness is pissing me off!" I snap again. Trying to push past her but she blocks the doors.

"Is this how to treat ME? You're best friend?" she asks, looking offended.

"You are NOT my best friend! We weren't friends in the beginning! Just go away and leave me alone!" I scream. I begin walking the other way towards a different pair doors that would take me outside. Suddenly I hear a roar that shakes the entire gym. I flip around, but Ana is gone.

"After all I did for you and this is how you thank me?"

I scream and turn around. Ana wasn't there. What was going on?

"I am your best friend Rosalie. You need to know this,"

I turn around again. Ana was still not here. I am losing my mind!

"We will fight, but you will always come back to me. I will never leave you, and you will never leave me!"

Suddenly Ana appears...but there are tons of them. All making a circle around me. All talking at the same time.

"Isn't this what you wanted? **You** wanted to be skinny, Rosalie,"

I feel dizzy again.

_"__**You**__ wanted to be skinny Rosalie...__**You**__ wanted to be skinny Rosalie..."_

Suddenly my heart stops and I pass out again.


	12. Chapter 12

******Hello everyone! Just another day in my small town. Nothing interesting...nothing new. Thanksgiving's coming up! I am sooooo excited! I am going to stuff myself with my aunt's Turducken, (turkey, duck and chicken together!) her rainbow mashed potatoes (white, sweet, and purple potatoes) and her special confetti salad! (that's when she shreds lettuce, cabbage, carrots, etc. into shreds that look like confetti!) And don't forget about the pie and ice cream! :D ****So anyways here is chapter 12!**

**PS: My mom is trying to fix my computer. (I don't worry because she has a degree in computer studies...except she works as a horse back riding instructor now and HATES computers) so maybe the computer won't be so damn slow! **

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is September, and remember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>ladybugsmomma: Yay! My favorite scene was when Bella dies and Edward is trying to start her heart again. Sad!<strong>

**addicted2svu2010: Me too! I can't believe we have to wait a whole YEAR until part 2 comes out! :(**

**YardApe: Thank you! **

**LOLAH: you're an amazing writer too! You write awesome plays and i suck at writing them!**

**BeautifulBroken: yay!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 12:<p>

I wake up in a hospital room. Mom is right next to me, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She looks terrible.

"Oh Rosie," she whispers when she sees that I am awake.

Machines are beeping beside me and an IV bag is pumping something into me. I get scared. Will that make me fat? I start tugging at the IV line in my hand.

"Rosalie stop!" Mom says as she grabs my hand and pulls it away from the IV.

"You stop!" I cry as I fight with her.

"Rosalie Serena stop!"

This time I stop. Mom looks stern now. Oh my God...she knows now.

"You've been losing more weight haven't you?" she asks. I look away. "Answer me!"

"NO!" I yell.

"Don't lie to me young lady. You nearly died today. Your heart gave out and that only happens when someone lies to her mother, saying that they will get better when instead they lose even more weight,"

"I'm not afraid of you! You don't scare me!" I snap.

"Rosalie..."

"Leave me alone,"

"No Rosalie. I want you to talk to me. We used to talk about everything. I want to know why you are doing this to yourself," Mom says. She is right. We did used to talk about everything...but now I don't know what to say to her.

"You won't understand,"

"Then HELP me understand! Baby, I can't see you kill yourself anymore!" she says, sounding pained. I look at her again. Tears are brimmed in her eyes. I feel tears come in my own eyes. I didn't realize that I have been hurting her. I feel terrible.

"Mom...I want to tell you something,"

"Anything," Mom answers.

"I want to tell you what happened to me,"

***S*V*U***

_I was reading a magazine in the hospital room, when a man came into the room. He was Richard White. I thought he was a nurse. He pricked a needle in my neck. I don't really remember what happened next. All I know is that I couldn't move or blink. He carried me to a laundry cart and hid me in it. He closed my eyes...and that's all I remember. _

_When I woke up...I was in the basement. It was scary...and dark. So dark... They compared me to you. Like,_

_"God, she is spitting image of Olivia!" _

_"Yeah, but she had a better ass," _

_"And was much skinnier. Pudgy little thing this is,"_

_Then...then...Harris...you know what I mean...He kept calling me your name. It was so disgusting and horrible. All I wanted at that moment...was you Mom. I wanted you to burst into the basement and shoot those guys dead and then save me from that nightmare. When you did come in though, I was so scared that they were going to kill you, that I tried to get them to kill me...so that you wouldn't die. Come to think of it...I sometimes with that I did die. That I wouldn't have to deal with this. You know? _

"I don't want to talk about that anymore. It hurts thinking about it," I said, choked up with tears.

"Alright baby...Can you tell me what happened after that day?" Mom asks.

I sigh and keep going.

_"I couldn't sleep. Everytime I closed my eyes...HE was there. Even though I knew that he was dead...I kept thinking that he would come back and hurt me all over again. I felt dirty and ugly...so I thought losing weight would help change that. I didn't think that I was going way too far. I just wanted...to be perfect. Like you! I look at you and I see pure beauty. Now I don't want to stop because I'm scared of being fat again. It's this crazy merry-go-round in my head, that I can't stop. It hurts so much...and I want help,"_

I pause. Mom is holding back tears. She wraps her arms around me. I start sobbing and she begins to cry too. We stay like this, until she stops and says,

"I wish that this didn't have to happen to you. If I only knew..."

I am silent. Mom then pulls away from her hug and says,

"You said you wanted help once already and I gave it to you...but you it didn't work. Now the help you're getting is from a clinic, understand?"

I want to say yes, but Ana's voice in my head is saying,

_"No Rosalie! They will make you fat!" _

"I don't know," I whisper.

"What?"

"_Rosalie don't say yes!" _

"Rosalie?"

"_ROSALIE!"_

"Just bloody go away!" I shout turning away from her. Mom's eyes widen a bit.

"Rosalie Serena!"

"Mom leave me alone, just go away!"

"You see! That's what's been going on lately! You keep pushing me away when I am trying to help you!" Mom argues.

"Well you aren't!" I snap at her.

"Rosalie, that's not fair,"

"Life's not fair! Nothing's fair!"

Mom takes a breath, before talking in her cop voice.

"What's not fair Rosalie?"

"LIFE'S not fair! My whole life SUCKS!"

I couldn't take it anymore. I ripped the IV out of my arm. I try to get out of bed, but Mom holds me back. I struggle, but she has me tight. A few nurses run into the room. I see one prepare a syringe.

"Don't sedate her!" I hear Mom bark at the nurses.

"Detective Benson, we..."

"I don't care, you will not sedate her! I can handle this,"

"Detective..."

"Go! Now!" Mom snaps.

The nurses leave. I keep trying to get away, but Mom still has me.

"She won't leave me alone!" I shriek. "She runs my life and pretends to be my best friend, but she is this cow who won't bloody leave me alone! She won't let me eat or get help!"

"Who won't let you?" Mom asks, still in her cop voice.

"Ana! Bloody Ana R. Xia!" I scream.

I go limp in Mom's arms. I begin sobbing again. I hate Ana. I hate that butt-fucking bitch for everything she has done. I could have gotten better, but she came in and destroyed it all! I wish she could just leave me the hell alone.

"I want help Mommy, I want help! I am losing my mind, please get me help!"


	13. Chapter 13

******Hello everyone! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I sure did! The turducken was amazing and i had the best apple pie ever! Gained 5 pounds though. :( ****So anyways here is chapter 12!**

**PS: Tech week for A Christmas Carol is next week! I AM SOOOO EXCITED! Know all my lines and blocking, while our Marley, Christmas Present, and Scrooge are still calling out line to our stage manager. I might post the play on youtube depending if the director lets me. :)**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is September, and remember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

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><p><strong>addicted2svu2010: thank you! :) I so can't wait for next year when breaking dawn part 2 comes out! <strong>

**LOLAH: hahaha, this is your early birthday present! :D**

**ladybugsmomma: IKR! i am soooo excited to see Bella as a vampire!**

**YardApe: THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO! I have written to the writers of svu with my work and part of it is ideas for liv to become a mother. They haven't written back to me yet, but i hope that they do and listen to what i have to say! **

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><p>Chapter 13:<p>

It's the middle of the night. I can't sleep. I can't help but look at the IV bag that I am attached to. It was giving me nutrition so that I can gain some weight. I hate it. I feel myself getting bloated like a balloon. I then look over at Mom, who is sleeping in a chair next to the bed. Before, she was watching me, but I guess she conked out.

Suddenly I hear someone walk into the room. Thinking it was a nurse, I pretended to be asleep. Only it wasn't a nurse.

"Rosalie! Rose!"

I look to see Ana standing at the foot of my bed.

"What are you doing here?" I hiss, not wanting to wake up Mom.

"To get you out! You can't let the doctors make you fat again. We were doing so well!"

"No, go away!" I turn away from her. Suddenly I felt someone grab my arm and squeeze it tight.

"We have to escape Rosalie! I am not letting you give everything up. You are still fat and hidiously ugly. I can fix that! Now get your fat ass out of bed and we'll get out of here!" Ana growls as she yanks out the IV. I yank away from Ana's grip and sit up. Pain seared through my body. I hold back a scream.

"Come on! We have to hurry!"

The room started spinning. Uh oh.

"No...I can't,"

"COME ON YOU FUCKING LARD ASS!"

I move to the edge of the bed, but the dizziness gets stronger.

"ROSALIE!"

I stand up, but the world goes black.

***S*V*U***

The world is still spinning when I wake up. There are nurses and doctors all around me. I am totally terrified that I don't even realize that I am crying. I hear the doctor barking commands.

"She's going into shock...on the verge of complete circulatory collaspe...IVs in both wrists...I want a cardiac monitior...get me an oxygen mask...cover her up, she's got no body heat,"

Where's Mom? Where's Ana? Everything is just a blur. Finally I black out again.

***S*V*U***

When I woke up again. Their were two IV's in my arms now. One for glucose. The other for plasma.

"You almost died again,"

I turn to find Mom back in the room. She looked worse than before. Her eyes were red and she was a mess.

"I don't remember what happened,"

"You fainted and you were so close to having a heart attack...I thought you were going to die,"

Mom started to cry again. I have seen Mom cry before, but not this much. She's Olivia Benson. She doesn't cry...but I guess I cause her to cry because I am total idiot. If I hadn't did this to myself...everything would be fine. I lean over and give Mom a hug. She holds me tight and buries her face into my bony shoulder.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry," she whispers.

"No...It's my fault!"

"No I am part of that fault. If I only knew..."

"Mom! Stop beating yourself up! I caused this, I caused myself to be like this. You had nothing to do with this!"

Silence. Mom pulls away from me and she stares deeply into my eyes.

"I let this go on. If I had stopped this earlier...none of this would be going on,"

Before I could say anything, two nurses come into the room with a wheelchair.

"Time for the procedure," they say to Mom.

"What procedure?" I ask Mom. She looks away and says,

"I talked to the doctors and they say they want to insert a feeding tube for you,"

I am shocked. As I am wheeled into another room, I wanted to be furious at Mom...but instead I felt fear. What were they going to do me? Was it going to hurt? I am so scared.

When I get to the room. The doctor explains the whole thing to me...but it's all this doctor talk that I can't understand. Soon the procedure began. They numbed me with novocaine and each injection hurt like a knife stabbing me. All that went through my mind was, _"I want my Mommy. I want my Mommy."_

I didn't want to look. _"MOMMY!"_ I squeeze my eyes close and just pray that this would all end. _"MOMMY!" _I feel them poking and prodding me. _"MOMMY!" _

"Rosalie? We're done,"

I open my eyes to find the doctor staring at me.

"Now, your left arm is going to be stiff around the shoulder for a while. When you've gained some strength, you'll be able to walk around with that thing,"

He keeps talking, but I don't listen. I fall asleep again.


	14. Chapter 14

******Hello everyone. So sorry for not posting for a while. Guess who got sick again? Yup me. Only what i have now is 10 times worse than what i had before. I lost my voice entirely, i can't eat anything, and i was nearly rushed to the hospital. That's how bad this is. :( What's even worse is that i missed the beginning of tech week for A Christmas Carol yesterday. I am so upset! I hope i can go to the second day of tech week tonight. Friday is opening night and i have to get better soon! **

**In good news: ****i was thinking of making a 'three-quel' of this story. Want a third story? :)**

**This is Rosalie's POV, the month is now October, and remember...Rosalie is British.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

**PS: this chapter is based off a video my bffl showed me. It's on youtube. Type in the search box, 'The Meth Project' and the first video should be it. If not, look for a video in The Meth Project page that's title is "Deep End" Seriously...its really deep.**

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><p><strong>addicted2svu2010: yay! Enjoy!<strong>

**BeautifulBroken: thank you and enjoy!**

**ladybugsmomma: she pisses me off too. Enjoy!**

**Lolah: of course and this isn't the end.**

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><p>Chapter 14:<p>

It has been a month since they put the feeding tube into me. They have just taken me off of it and I have gained to a 'healthy' weight. Mom's happy. The doctors are happy...but I am not. I am fat again. I am buried in a sea of fat. The work I have done...everything that I did to get skinny...all flushed down the bloody toilet. Skinny has lost...fat has won. As Mom and I are driving home from the hospital, I hear the voices in my head laughing at me. It hurts my ears. Ana is part of the voices. They won't stop.

When Mom and I get home. I burst into the apartment complex and up to our building. I did not want anyone to see me. To see me...like this. I run into my room and slam the door. I look into the mirror. Fat...everywhere. Everywhere.

I hear someone knocking on my bedroom door. Mom.

"Rosalie?"

"Go away!"

"Rosie please let me in," Mom begs.

"No! Bugger off!" I cry. I didn't want her to talk to me or even look at me.

Silence. Good, she's gone. I turn back to the mirror.

_"Rosalie you're so fat now!"  
>"You ugly slob! You ugly slob!"<em>

_"Fat, ugly, disgusting!"_

The voices in my head are killing me. They won't stop! I cover my ears, trying to block them out, but they just get louder. Ana's voice then mixes in with the others.

_"You don't deserve to live,"_

She's right. I don't deserve to live. I'll never be perfect. Never. Why am I even alive right now? If this is what my life is supposed to be...then why am I here? Why couldn't have I died when Harris had that gun aimed at my head? Just one pull of the trigger could have spared me with the pain I am going through. Mom won't have to cry all the time and everyone would be happy. I should just go now and get over it.

_"Fat, ugly, disgusting!"_

_"YOU UGLY SLOB!" _

I scream and punch the mirror. In slow motion I watched as the shards of glass fall to the ground like rain...my hand coming back with shards of that glass sticking out, bloody...me taking one shard and slicing my wrists with it...Mom running in, calling a bus with her walkie-talkie...

"What have you done?" Mom screams as she runs to me.

"Let me die! Mommy let me die!" I cry as I fall to the ground, bringing her with me.

"Be advised, the victim is mentally unstable," I hear Mom say into her walkie-talkie.

I try to reach for more shards of glass, but Mom wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me back.

"Let me die!" I repeat, sobbing.

"No...never," Mom grounds out, trying to stop the bleeding with blankets or towels...but it keeps coming. I start feeling sleepy...so sleepy.

"Rosie! Rosie, stay with me. Stay with me baby, stay awake,"

"Bye Mom," I whisper as my eyes close and everything goes black.

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><p><strong>AN: Rosalie could die...or she could live. Depends on you. The reviewers.**


	15. Chapter 15

******Hello everyone. This chapter is my favorite one out of all of them. It took days to write this and took up five pages of my writing notebook.**

**This is sad so keep a box of tissues in hand.**

****PLEASE READ** Looks can be devieving. You may think one thing, but in fact its the other way around. Soooo...*cowers from the aimed pitchforks* Don't impale me!**

**This is in third person and the month is October.**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>addicted2svu2010: yay! you'll see what happens. :)<strong>

**(the reviewer without a name): you'll see what happens. :)**

**Carrie: you'll see what happens. :)**

**Lolah: You're evil! And thank you for the card yesterday. Made me feel much better. :)**

**BeautifulBroken: yay! you'll see what happens. :)**

**ladybugsmomma: you'll see what happens! :D**

* * *

><p>Chapter 15:<p>

Olivia Benson opens the door of her apartment. She walks in and shuts the door behind her. The apartment is dark. Empty. She turns on a light, but the apartment still feels empty.

She goes to the kitchen and places her gun and badge on the counter. A bunch of wadded-up tissues fell out of her pockets. She takes them and shoves them in the garbage pail. She then walks to a cupboard with a child-safety lock in place. She unlocks it and opens the cupboard. It is where she keeps liquor. There are bottles of red and white wine, but Olivia reaches for a bottle in the back. A bottle of vodka. The one her mother used to like. Olivia never grabs for it, but today she needed it. It was for a good reason. She takes the bottle and goes to her bedroom. On the way, she stops at the hall mirror. Her eyes are red and bloodshot. Her makeup in ruined. Her hair is a mess. She herself is a mess.

Once Olivia was in her bedroom, she drops the bottle of vodka on her bed and went into her closet. She pulled out a scrapbook and placed it on her bed with the vodka. She runs her fingers across the smooth cold cover of the book. She slides to the floor, bringing the scrapbook and vodka with her. She unscrews the cap of the bottle and takes a swig from it. The sour tangy taste greets her.

Olivia opens the scrapbook. On the first page was a picture of a newborn baby. It wasn't Olivia though. It was her daughter Rosalie. Olivia smiles, Rosalie was the most gorgeous baby anyone had ever seen. Her pale skin, white as snow. Her big brown eyes. The tuff of brown hair. She could have been a model. _She could have been... _Olivia takes another swig of vodka.

She skips a couple of pages. Rosalie is now four years old. There are pictures of her smiling and laughing. Rosalie was the most outgoing and happiest toddler. At the time, Olivia started to notice Rosalie's british accent coming out. Everyone loved hearing her talk. Olivia especially. Even if the accent reminded her of Rosalie's father, she didn't care. She loved her baby anyway. Olivia feels like crying all over again, but she won't do it. She already did enough earlier. She takes another swig of vodka.

A couple more pages skipped. Rosalie is now seven years old. A few more...Rosalie at age nine. Some more...Rosalie age 10. Olivia lets a few tears fall as she remembers all the great times she had with her daughter. She takes an even bigger swig of vodka. When she gets to the end of the book, she cries out when she sees the final picture. It was a picture of Rosalie before she left for the Peter's Lake party. The party that started it all. Olivia rips out the picture from the album and starts ripping it to shreds. She felt hatred for Lowell Harris and Richard White. She felt rage deep down inside her, for what happened to her baby. How dare they do this to an innocent, little girl! Olivia is now fullblown crying as she drops the shreds of the once picture to the ground. She takes the vodka bottle and drinks the rest of it. She suddenly feels absolutely guilty. She is doing what her mother did years ago. Drinking away her problems. She stops drinking and whips the bottle against the wall. Was she drunk? She didn't care.

Olivia stands up and walks to Rosalie's room. She slowly pushes open the door. She feels as if she's protruding into her daughter's privacy, but Rosalie's not here now. She walks into the room. It is so quiet, and dark. She turns on the light and the room bursts into life. Olivia remembers the phase where Rosalie wanted everything in her room to be fairies and rainbows. Now the room is painted a rose pink with a few posters of singers scattered around. Olivia walks around finding and looking at all of Rosalie's treasures. She smiles at some and frowns at others. She finds Rosalie's perfume on her nightstand. She sprays some on her wrist and takes a whiff. She feels as if Rosalie was with her, giving her a hug.

Olivia then walks over to the bed and sits down. She runs her fingers over the soft handknitted blanket that she made during her pregnancy. Suddenly she feels a rut. There was something underneath the blankets. She lifts them up and finds Rosalie's diary. The diary she gave her. She picks it up. The rhinestone cover was scratched off, leaving the green background instead. Olivia begins to flip through it. She read all the entries, finding out Rosalie's pain and struggle. Finally she reaches to the end which drove her over the edge.

_"All I wanted to be was perfect. I guess that that will never happen. Come to think of it...all I really wanted to be...was beautiful,"_

"But you WERE beautiful! YOU WERE!" Olivia screams. "You were the most beautiful girl in the world and you fucking ruined it!"

Suddenly a picture falls out of the diary. Olivia grabs it. She screams again, but then starts sobbing. It was a picture of mother and daughter. They were at the beach last summer. Both were so happy. It was their favorite picture. Olivia holds the picture to her chest and cries. Her whole life was taken away from her. First Elliot...and now the only thing that mattered in her dark cruel world. Her daughter. Her Rosalie. Her pride and joy, her everything. She thinks about suicide, but after looking at the blood stains on the carpet...the broken mirror in the corner of the room...she can't bring herself to do it. She wants to be strong...but how can she be that, when her whole life has been flushed down the toilet.

Olivia lies down on Rosalie's bed. She wraps herself with the handknitted blanket and buries her head in the soft feather pillow. She takes a whiff and smells Rosalie's peach shampoo. She feels as if Rosalie was lying next to her.

"My Rosalie," Olivia whispers. "Forever my baby. Forever my baby,"

She keeps repeating the same phraise over and over like a mantra until she falls into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Rosalie could die...or she could live...**


	16. Epilouge

******Hello everyone! ****I have decided to stop torturing you...Wait! I didn't say that! I meant, I have decided to post the final chapter. *cowers from the pichforks* If you wanna impale someone, impale Hayley! (Ugh, i mean Lolah) She wants Rosalie to die! Besides she mortified me yesterday at the opening night of  
>A Christmas Carol by telling my FRIEND Kevin that i like him. HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND! <strong>

**So anyways, Christmas Carol opened yesterday! EEE! We did SOOOOO well! Anyone live in New Jersey?**

**Also, there is going to be a sequel to this story. The title is...  
>"Time To Wake Up: The Nightmare Ends"<strong>

**So, the moment of truth...Rosalie...is...READ TO FIND OUT!**

**Enjoy and REVIEW!**

* * *

><p><strong>To all my reviewers, Thank you so much for being the best reviewers ever:<strong>

**FearlessJayne**

**addicted2svu2010**

**Carrie**

**(the reviewer with no name)**

**Lolah**

**BeautifulBroken **

**ladybugsmomma**

**YardApe**

**Michael2**

**liviscool**

**U ALL RULE!**

* * *

><p>Epilouge:<p>

But Rosalie is in fact alive. She didn't cut too deep. She was able to be saved. Doctors wanted Rosalie to stay in the hospital until she goes to an in-patient clinic. Olivia agreed. It was the last thing anyone could do.

***S*V*U***

Rosalie's POV:

All I wanted was to be perfect. Skinny and beautiful. Now I am going to a clinic. A looney bin until I am fatter than I already am.

I...

Want...

To...

Die...

I want to slit my wrists again and get the vein. I want to kill myself, so that I won't become the old Rosalie again.

I...

Want...

To...

Die...

And there is no one to hear me scream...


End file.
